I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize