Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
