your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
