im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
