I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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