I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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