i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
