Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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