so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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