Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
