Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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