Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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