All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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