she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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