i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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