All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
