you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Terrible idea I love it
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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