I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
