Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
