I think my fart just growled at me.
you will always have a special place in my vag
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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