using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Actions speak louder than pants.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
