So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He has the fingertips of a God
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