i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
