Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
