dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Randomize
