I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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