You really coming over, don't trick.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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