Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
