you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
