My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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