There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
