I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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