If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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