Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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