Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
