I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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