absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
