i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
