Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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