Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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