we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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