what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I met the friendliest cop last night
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
