Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
