I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
