I wanna bring you to show and tell
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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