She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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