she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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