Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
