Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
