I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
