Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize