i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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