C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
