I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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