Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
