It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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