Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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