We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
